Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the Most Effective People Do Differently

Everyone talks. This is an indisputable fact. If you are a pastor or a leader, you talk, a lot. But is anyone listening? Do you connect with the people you are talking to? That's the point of Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the Most Effective People do Differently by John Maxwell, this week's Saturday book review. If you've ever read a book by Maxwell, you know you are in for a bunch of one liners, a ton of quotes and a bazillion stories. When it comes to communicating, I can't think of a better way to get the point(s) across. It is a fast read with a ton of great content on how to connect with the people you are communicating with. Whether that is one-on-one, in a small group or in front of an audience. He even gives some of his tips on how to connect through writing. The bottom line of communication is that the ones who connect are the ones who inspire people to take action. The goal of preaching is not to pass on information, but to inspire change, to move people forward in their relationship with Jesus, to take that next step, to start following Jesus, to become the person God created them to be. I loved this from Maxwell, "I think of myself as a motivational teacher, not a motivational speaker. What’s the difference between the two? A motivational speaker makes you feel good, but the next day you’re not sure why. A motivational teacher makes you feel good, and the next day you know why and take action. In other words, the first kind of communicator wants you to feel good, and the second wants you to do good." Here are a few things that jumped out in the book: -Connecting is everything when it comes to communication. -Good communication and leadership are all about connecting. -Connecting is the ability to identify with people and relate to them in a way that increases your influence with them. successful presidents exhibit five qualities that enable them to achieve things that others don’t: vision, pragmatism, consensus building, charisma, and trustworthiness. -To succeed with other people, you need to be able to connect. -Those who build great companies understand that the ultimate throttle on growth for any great company is not markets, or technology, or competition, or products. It is the one thing above all others—the ability to get and keep enough of the right people. -Whenever people take action, they do so for their reasons, not yours or mine. -Any message you try to convey must contain a piece of you. You can’t just deliver words. You can’t merely convey information. --You need to be more than just a messenger. You must be the message you want to deliver. -If you want to win over another person, first win his heart, and the rest of him is likely to follow. -I’ve learned that if you want people to be impressed, you can talk about your successes; but if you want people to identify with you, it’s better to talk about your failures. -The “Four Unpardonable Sins of a Communicator”: being unprepared, uncommitted, uninteresting, or uncomfortable. -When a speaker doesn’t say something with conviction, we remain unconvinced. -If I had to pick a first rule of communication—the practice above all others that opens the door to connection with others— it would be to look for common ground. -Effective communication takes people on a journey. We cannot take others on that journey unless we start where they are. Only then can we connect and try to lead them where we want to take them. -As leaders and communicators, our job is to bring clarity to a subject, not complexity. -Good teachers know that the fundamental law of learning is repetition. -People pay attention when something that is said connects with something they greatly desire. -Good communicators understand that people do things for their own reasons, not for the reasons of the person doing the talking. -Inspiring communicators always expect a lot from their listeners. -If we treat people as who they can become, they will be inspired to rise to the level of our expectations. -Vision without passion is a picture without possibilities. Vision alone does not inspire change. It must be strengthened by passion. -Connectors inspire people to move from “know how” to “do now. As I said, if you are a pastor, leader or communicator, this is a book you should read. Highly recommend it.

This book reminded me of things I know but have gotten lazy in. This book also helped me to see things differently and the importance of connection in every setting. I felt like I learned new things and was encouraged in things I was doing already.

If you’re looking to become a better connector this is the book for you. Whether it’s one on one, a group or a stadium full of people you have to connect with your audience if you’re going to make an impact.

John Maxwell is a great communicator--especially as a public speaker, so when this intriguing title crossed my radar screen, right at the time I was developing a blog about the Power of Connection [...], of course I checked it out. At the time, it was not yet published...Mr. Maxwell had decided to try a new writing model and put up one chapter at a time on his blog for his followers to read, review, and critique. He promised to consider all comments before making his final edits. By the time I knew of it, he was on his last chapters. I did make a comment and he did include me in the list of contributors. The premise of this book is twofold: 1) There's a difference between communicating and connecting in a meaningful way; and 2) Anyone, regardless of their personality, "people skills," or natural talents can learn to be a better communicator, whether in personal or professional relationships. This book, for me, was well worth reading, as evidenced by the highlighting and number of book nibs I left attached to is pages. It could have used more judicious editing, however, to avoid repetition, and a layout person could have helped the reader with some improved formatting. The chapter by Maxwell's writer, Charlie Wetzel, was intended to help us know Maxwell better as a fine person. While it did give a different glimpse of Maxwell (who by all accounts is truly a really genuine, warm person who lives what he preachers), it seemed a bit like a commercial inserted into the book and would have been better as a separate section for bio and/or testimonials. Having said all that, however, the nuggets of wisdom, the wonderful illustrative--and often humorous--stories, the great quotations from other leaders, and the "can-do" attitude Maxwell conveys to the reader were all excellent. He successfully made the case that an effort to improve one's communication skills can "take their relationships, their work, and their lives to another level." I especially recommend this to someone trying to improve their public speaking skills. The underlying sub-theme throughout is that you must approach everything you do with the belief that people are valuable, and all the connecting skills you need to cultivate are merely ways to convey that sense of appreciation and valuation of people to them in whatever way you interact. Whether you're communicating with loved ones, co-workers, clients, or an audience, you need to care about--and try to understand--their needs and wants BEFORE you start. If you come to the engagement with only a desire to promote your own self-interests, you've missed a golden opportunity."To add value to others, one must first value others." "What former South African president Nelson Mandela said is true: 'If you talk to a man in the language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.' The bottom line is that indifference is really a form of selfishness." One "Aha" piece of the book for me was in his discussion about the importance of having passion for whatever you're trying to convey, and he distinguishes passion from emotion. He suggests that before you speak to people, you should ask yourself these questions: 1) Do I believe what I say? 2) Has it changed me? 3) Do I believe it will help others? 4) Have I seen it change others? "If you can answer yes to those questions you'll do more than just light a fire under people. You will build a fire within them! If you have that fire. it will ignite others." There are lots of other practical tips here on ways to prepare for an engagement with someone and ways to be a better communicator. Perhaps more than anything, Maxwell is trying to make us understand that our attitude towards others is critical, and once we get that right, the rest flows more naturally. Nothing new here in the realm of self-help, but Maxwell's style is engaging and personable, and his stories often went that extra mile to help teach something important.

This book really changed my perspective on how to connect with p5to really listen and understand and to be willing to share my weaknesses with people. Learned a lot from this book.

If you are reading this review you and I have something in common. We both want to improve our communication skills and even more importantly, learn to better connect with others. I've been on a self-directed quest the past few months to improve my communication and connecting skills. I've read Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends" as well as the one he wrote on public speaking. I've watched YouTube videos of Stanford MBA presentations by Carmine Gallo, Steve Jobs product introduction videos (The 2007 iPhone presentation is a classic case study in effective presentation technique), and I've read a lot of Maxwell. "Everyone Communicates, Few Connect" should be included on the reading list of anyone wanting to better understand the why's and how's of communication and connecting. John brings a clear and practical voice to understanding one of the easiest and yet one of the most difficult of all human activities--communicating. He really covers that there's way more to conversing than just words. (Yeah, I know you're thinking there's body language, volume, tone and such, but there's even more than that!) in each chapter the main points are clearly outlined and explained and as per the typical Maxwell style, there are stories and quotes to make the material memorable. At the end of each chapter are Connecting Principles and Key Concepts along with advice on connecting one-on-one, in small groups, and with audiences. Again, highly highly recommended.

If you’re looking for a very solid book on communication then you need to look no further. This book is a bit older now, but the principles still hold up extremely well. It’s a practical, insightful, and quite funny book on communicating and leadership communication. Who needs to be better at communication? All of us do! This book is a great tool to make you a much better communicator.

This book has truly changed my perspective on people and the world. My life has changed forever after reading this masterpiece! Well Done John Maxwell!!