Opening Up: A Guide To Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships Paperback – May 1, 2008

I have a little over three hours left of this audio book (free with trial!) and it's been such an interesting and insightful intro for me into open relationships, polyamory, expectations, assumptions, relationship rules, types of relationships, accountability, compersion, what-ifs, what abouts, etc.As I am studying a bit in the sociology of gender- I found the author's gender switching voice tones to be a little distracting/ inaccurate/ contradicting. I suppose it is really done just so that we can identify the different people in the relationship (who she's quoting) but yea, just a heads up. It's a tricky thing to be able to have a voice for the amorphous mix of people who inhabit this planet. And actually.. props to her! -For giving it a whirl, and attempting to let it all out, include as many minority people and voices as the book allows for. (These personal experience stories are what makes the book as effective as it is I believe.) The stories add a freshness and a big layer of credibility/ trust to otherwise foggy and foreign subject (but is it REALLY foreign to us?)Plenty of different references that would be great for further reading as well.Although the world of opening up our relationship to ourselves and/or another is vast, this book makes it seem very enjoyable and very navigable. I love how it creates new pathways for thinking and accepting others while at the same time allowing for us to accept more parts of ourselves with patience and love!Grab hold of this MUST HAVE READ to not only expand the depth and understanding of yourselves and your relationships with others but to have compassion and a more open heart to the many possibilities inside the lives and love of others. People aren't acting like we were taught to believe! It's much more communication, much more vulnerability, and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. Let me say it again, real love. Real love is here in this book.

This is (and probably always will be) the best book ever written on the subject of polyamory. Tristan Taormino covers the history of polyamory in the United States AND provides a guide for those interested in engaging in it. All the while, despite being a feminist, she manages to keep her work refreshingly free of feminist polemic (i.e. assertions that men have been oppressing women with monogamy). She covers every conceivable style of non-monogamy (as well as a few that I never could have imagined) in a calm, objective manner. Even though she herself is a practitioner of polyamory, she doesn't try to paint it as superior to monogamy or accuse monogamists of not having a sense of fun; in fact, she encourages readers to think very carefully about whether or not polyamory is right for them. She covers every single facet of polyamory, from dealing with jealousy to raising children to coming out as such to your family, friends, and children, to legal issues surrounding the practice. The only issue I could think of that she didn't cover is the possibility of children of polyamorous networks getting romantically involved with one another, and possibilities of inbreeding occurring. But, that's not really a significant problem, and it's one I'm more than happy to leave to the biologists.Overall, this was an extremely helpful and well-written book. Taormino doesn't portray nonmonogamy as perfect, and she doesn't shy away from discussing any potential problems that may arise from the different forms of it. She gives couples excellent ways of communicating, which she does not claim to be her own invention. She provides excellent guidance for those experiencing problems, as well as reassurance that doesn't rely at all on sugar-coating.I would consider this book required reading, not only for those attempting to start nonmonogamous relationships, but also for those wishing to know more about the subject, and those who know people who practice nonmonogamy. When I first heard of nonmonogamy, I considered it to be disgusting, immoral, and an escape route for the chronically irresponsible. Then, I met a lesbian couple who are in an open relationship; they pointed me to this book, I read it, and now, I want in.

A thorough and well-researched work on a topic that is lacking much attention from authors and publishers. As others have noted, the author's discussion of communication was very good and thought-provoking. I wish there had been a little more discussion of compersion and the critical role that can play in fostering an open relationship; that said, that the author devoted as much attention to it at all speaks well of the book since it is hard to find any information on compersion anywhere else. If the author could be faulted at all, it might be for her attempt to cover so many different relationship types in one place, and also dwelling a bit too much on the BDSM community. Still, it was excellent to read excerpts from interviews with real people in real open relationships. Many of the resources listed at the end of the book are quite dated (does anyone really use Yahoo groups anymore??), but there are still some good sources listed. And thankfully there is a frank discussion of the necessity to practice safer sex. This is definitely worth getting (and keeping on your shelf after you've read it), but you will want to read more than just this very good book.