Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy

This is my favourite of the "Your x-year-old.." books, perhaps because I found 3 the most difficult age (I have also read 1- and 4-year old versions). Yes some of the advice is dated as others have pointed out, but unlike most books on kids, it helps you see the world through their eyes which is incredibly helpful! A lot of big emotional and psychological changes happen between 2.5 and 3.5 years old -- takes a lot of people by surprise. This explains why they begin to become more deeply upset, scared of the dark and 'monsters', act out aggressively to other kids, say nasty things to parents & other beloved adults, etc. One small example that sticks in my mind - the book describes that kids this age often find the concept of "broken" things very distressing. It was very helpful to know this for both big and small 'breaks' we encountered. I also quite like their advice to hire a babysitter as much as possible if kids are anti-mother at this age. Yes it's not always feasible, but worth considering if it is possible.

Other reviews have cited a lack of helpful hints in this book. Please know before buying, this is not a "how to" book. You won't find formulas for parenting. What you will find is an excellent study on the behavior and development of your child at any given age. This book is outdated in its look and in some of the scenarios presented. However, the observations and information laid out are timeless. A three year old is a three year - in 1972 or 2022. I see parenting as an adventure and a challenge, where each child is unique. It's my job to tailor the rearing of my child to suit him and these books help me do just that. This series has made me a more informed parent. For instance, in the 2 year old book I read that children at this age have a very hard time sticking to a decision. They want a drink, so you give them a drink. You then hear, "I don't want a drink!". So you take it back. Whereupon your child wails that he wants his drink. This can go on for an exasperating long while. The more informed I am on what's age appropriate behavior, the more I'm able to separate my reactions from the emotional frustration that might otherwise erupt. I can then spend more time thinking rationally about how I can help him through this, rather than becoming angry. I love these books and think that all parents would benefit from reading. As I stated above, these books won't show you HOW to be a better parent, just as reading a book on art history won't show you HOW to be a museum curator. But knowing and understanding art history is a must in order to be a great curator. Same with kids and same with these books.

I bought this book after seeing it recommended by a popular advise columnist, and it quickly became my favorite parenting book. As an over-researcher, I have read A LOT of parenting books. Most of them feel very unrealistic, overly optimistic, and dogmatic. Not this book--it made me feel better about being frustrated. It gave me fun, easy games to play with my child. It provided advice that I use effectively with my son on a daily basis. There is even a chapter on how to host a great three year old birthday party. No unnecessary parent guilt here--just a better relationship with my child. I love this book so much I recommended the one year old book to my sister. And she loved that book so much she recommends it to her friends. What a fabulous series!

Although there are parts of this book which show its age (it's comfortable with spanking, if that's what the parent believes in, and differentiates quite a bit between behaviours associated with girls and boys for example) I found it really really useful and reassuring. It really painted such a clear picture of the age group, and I've seen basically everything that they speak about in my son, who is now three-and-a-half. I'm glad to know it's not just me, and that I'm not necessarily entirely failing with this parenting thing, and that so many of my son's challenging behaviours are age appropriate. I appreciate the advice given, which says that at this temperamental and trying age, you don't always have to "win" in a battle of wills with your little tyrant but should rather just try to get through each day in one piece.

This is not one of those "do X to solve your child's Y problem." It basically just lets you know what is going on with your 3 and 3.5 year old. The researchers observed 1000's of three year olds over several years and this book is the culmination of their research - in an easy to read format, as well. They do offer general advice - take it with a grain of salt because some of it is REALLY outdated. But the insights on what is going on, what to expect, what's "normal", and the list of toys and books appropriate for three year olds is invaluable. AND, at under 150 pages it is a quick read (since most parents of three year olds don't have much time to do so).

This is an odd little book. It was published in 1985 and it shows. The first few pages read very well and the book is amusing and insightful (I had a lot of "Me, too!" moments) but as you go on, it's almost as if the authors became older and older and more and more bogged down by their own children. The plus: it's a good study of what three-and-a-half year olds do. You will probably find it relatable and this may give you relief. It did me. The minuses: 1. It's terribly outdated, at least for urban young couples who don't have stereotypical gender roles and who have quite a bit of 2013 parenting expertise. This excerpt speaks for itself: The child "does best if he sits next to his mother, who can give him the attention he needs. And hopefully, Father will refrain from lectures on table manners." 2. The premise of the book, though not backed by studies or fleshed out theories, is that 3yr olds will initiate conflicts because of their relationship with their mother. It's unclear why. At best, this theory is Freudian; at worst, it's sexist. 3. Some of the assumptions are a bit odd, I think: that children are potty-trained by 3; that if they are not, you can let them play in the bathroom and put a newspaper on the floor and tell them to poop there; that some kids wander out of the house at night, that many times "Mother" should just let a babysitter handle things, lest she should invite conflict with her child. If you're in the psychology business, it's an interesting read. If you're a parent looking for parent looking for parenting strategies, this will not be helpful.

I give this book to all new parents! The Gesell Institute series (1 year to 10-14) is the result of observing hundreds of children in each age group. You learn typical behaviors for each age. So, when you're 3-year-old is having tantrums or being defiant, you read that this is typical of the age. The knowledge helps you to have compassion for your child (just doing what 3-year-old's do,) and yourself (you're not doing anything wrong, it's just the age.) Additionally, they're thin books with indexes. You can turn to the page on 'defiance' and only read that tiny chapter. Perfect for overwhelmed parents. Just so helpful!! Buy one for every year of development; you won't be sorry.

Great set of books. As a psychologist, I’ve been recommending them for years. Some of the toy recommendations may be a little dated now but otherwise information is still accurate. I’ve recommended them to patients and to my children for use with my grandchildren. Chapters are brief and not overwhelming. Divided into logical sections, eg, social, behavior etc.