Doesn't Hurt to Ask: Using the Power of Questions to Communicate, Connect, and Persuade

Trey Gowdy, who served eight years in Congress (2011-2019), confesses, “The mistakes made early in my career were many and largely rooted in two areas: not understanding the dynamics of persuasion and not understanding the nature and characteristics of those I was try to persuade.”I thought I knew a thing or two about persuasion—because I’ve been “persuading” people my entire life (or so I thought): family, friends, staff members, board chairs, board members, donors, clients, airline check-in desks (any upgrades?), and more.Yikes! Then I read Trey Gowdy’s hot-off-the-press book, “Doesn't Hurt to Ask: Using the Power of Questions to Communicate, Connect, and Persuade.” Apparently, I’ve been arguing, imposing my will, machine-gunning facts, interrupting, and worse—but not persuading!Now I realize…I knew nothing about persuasion—but, gratefully, Trey Gowdy’s graduate level course in the precise practice of persuasion has seriously inspired me! I predict his book will dramatically change your thinking about how you persuade others. It’s already changed my thinking. Gowdy’s book has some very stiff competition, but it just might be my 2020 book-of-the-year—it’s that good.PRACTICE MAKES PERSUASION. As a former state and federal prosecutor, Trey Gowdy noted that his young litigators “needed two things: confidence and practice. We didn’t start in the courtroom. We started in the conference room. I would have them stand up and convince me to go see their favorite movie. That was the challenge—convince me that your favorite movie is worth my time.” (Try that at your weekly staff meeting—and then inspire your team to read Gowdy’s book.)DIVERT AND DEFLECT. In the section, “Plan and Prepare for Your Strengths and Weaknesses,” Gowdy urges you to spend serious prep time on the topic, “What do you least want to be asked yourself?” When stuck, Gowdy’s Plan B is to ask “unusual questions that divert and deflect.”If it’s still not going well, he employs two tricks—but he warns: “They are both extreme.” The first trick: SILENCE. “Silence is the greatest attention grabber in the world.” This one powerful paragraph will come in handy soon, I’m sure! “Learn the timing of silence—longer than a breath but not long enough that others think it’s a nap.”The second trick: FILIBUSTER. “We are taught not to interrupt. We are taught to listen.” But he adds, “The most difficult witness to examine in Congress and in courtrooms are those witnesses who . . . simply . . . will . . . not . . . stop talking. Juries do not like rude people who interrupt and they certainly do not like to be interrupted.”MASTER YOUR FAVORITE PERSUASION TOOL. After detailing dozens of that’s-a-great-idea persuasion tools and techniques—generously illustrated with memorable stories inside Congress and the courtroom—Trey Gowdy concludes with this:“Just as you should identify your best communications gift, you should also identify your favorite persuasion tool. Which of the tools we have discussed would you enjoy most being highly skilled at? Which one could you see yourself mastering?”OH…IF I COULD ONLY REPLAY MY VIDEOTAPE! While genuinely inspired about mastering my favorite persuasion tools—the book brought to mind my inept persuasion performances in at least 10 real-life situations. Arrrgh! If Gowdy had only written this book 20 years sooner! For practice, I’m replaying those videos in my mind—and I’m using “the power of questions” to move those emotional situations to a better outcome. Fortunately, I don’t have to persuade Our Holy God to shower me with grace. He’s already done that.10 FAVORITES. This was tough—picking just 10 persuasive points:#1. Favorite chapter: “There Is Such a Thing as a Stupid Question.” (Hilarious!)#2. Favorite mentor: The mother of Trey Gowdy’s childhood best friend. In just 30 minutes with a stunning use of questions—she helped Gowdy change the trajectory of his post-college plans and his life. (Did I mention—stunning!)#3. Favorite courtroom scene: When Gowdy repeatedly asked a one-eyed witness, “Okay, what color was the blue bag?” (You’ll LOL along with the entire courtroom!)#4. Favorite insight: “Stupid questions are better than stupid answers.” He adds, “It’s the difference between sounding stupid and being stupid.”#5. Favorite license plate: US SENATOR 2. Why did Gowdy’s close friend, Sen. Tim Scott, choose that South Carolina license plate? “Trey, I was stopped [by police] seven times in one year as an elected official. Seven. I want the officers to know I am not a threat to them so nothing bad happens to me. I want to be safe, Trey, and stay alive.”#6. Favorite axiom: “The most persuasive are the persuadable.” (Convicting!)#7. Favorite contrasts: “Persuasion is not debating.” And, “Debating is science. Persuasion is art.” And, “Debating is for the best talker. Persuasion is for the better listener.”#8. Favorite definition: Chapter 5, “The Burden of Proof Is in the Pudding.” The scale of burden of proof—absolutely fascinating: “Consent (0%), Articulable Suspicion (20-25%), Probable Cause (35-50%), Preponderance (50.1%), Clear and Convincing (75%), Beyond a Reasonable Doubt (95%), Beyond All Doubt (Ha! Impossible.)”#9. Favorite short course on questioning: Brilliant explanations and examples of Leading Questions and Non-Leading Questions—and when to use them. (This reminded me of the AWE question in the book, “The Advice Trap.”)#10. Favorite impeachment insights (three categories of impeachment): Impeach the facts, impeach the conclusion, or impeach the person. (See chapter nine.)PERSUASIVE, NOT POLITICAL. Although Trey Gowdy interjects numerous stories from the House committees he served on (or chaired), including Judiciary, Oversight, Intelligence, and the Select Committee on Benghazi, this book is not political—it’s persuasive, in the same way the book, “Rumsfeld’s Rules” is not political.Did I mention this might be my 2020 book-of-the-year? Enjoy!

Former South Carolina Congressman Trey Gowdy is a student of persuasion. He has learned that in the process of persuasion you either bring others closer to your way of thinking or at the very least, learn about why it is you believe what you believe. Persuasion is an art and is about first understanding what people believe and why they believe it. It is subtle, incremental, and deliberate.A critical tool in becoming an effective persuader is tapping into the power that questions offer in communicating and connecting. Gowdy’s “Doesn’t Hurt to Ask” provides a valuable and useful guide into why questions are effective, the many types of questions that can be asked, and the how and when these questions can be used to meet a specific objective.Gowdy’s guide is presented in three parts:In Part One, “What You Need to Know Before You Open Your Mouth” focuses on what do you want to accomplish – Do you want to be affirmative, be genuine, get more information, be corroborative, impart information to others, impeach or undercut another, be defensive, or to deflect?Then he asks you to think about how you will measure success and how hard will it be. Do you want to begin a relationship, repair one, or end one? Do you intend to pacify or infuriate? And/or do you want to reach a consensus or end in conflict?Finally, he touches on emotion. Emotions are powerful and they work when it comes to moving people. Be emotional about fairness, about justice, about opportunity. Do not simply be emotional. They must be earnest in the way to do this is to connect that emotion to him some larger belief or truth. Keep in mind that crocodile tears are shed while crocodiles eat their prey and contrived emotion is destructive.As a communicator, you must be sincere, authentic and credible. You cannot fake sincerity. Believe what you are saying or no one else will. If you are not invested in what you’re selling, no one else.In Part Two, “The Act (And Art) of Persuasion” provides a guide to questions that can be used to persuade. Questions can be used to corroborate or to contradict. They either advance your own point or slow down the other person’s point. They tend to either prove or disprove the point in question. Questions make the point at hand more or less likely to be true. Softball questions corroborate while hardball questions contradict, undercut, or impeach. These are not friendly questions.Good questions rather than declarative sentences (“I believe, I think, or I feel”) have a greater likelihood of persuasion. Rather than making a point, questions are used to prove or disprove a point and they can be either overt or covert, obvious or subtle, nuanced, or coarse.Gowdy’s guide continues with the pluses and minuses of leading vs non-leading questions; the complexity of the question “why” (you can lose control if not used well); credibility killers; impeaching the facts, the key principle and/or the person; “hitchhiking”; the power and overuse of repetition (the “Rules of 7 & 9”; big words vs small words; the art of absurdity and hyperbole; and the use of silence and filibuster.In Part Three, “Go Forth and Conquer” provides tips on how you can put the art of asking questions into action in your daily life so you can improve your ability and confidence in persuasion so you can have meaningful dialogue about what you truly care about. It requires thought, practice, discipline, and plain old hard work.I have always had an interest in the use of questions and even more so in the past five years with my radio show, The MENTORS RADIO, which airs Saturdays on Salem Media’s KTRB, 860 AM in San Francisco and everywhere else on iHeart radio. (After broadcasting it is available 24/7 on all popular podcast platforms).As I have told my guests, the burden of producing a good show rests on my shoulders and the questions I ask. I spend a lot of time prepping for each show with a focus on which questions to ask. Gowdy’s “Doesn’t Hurt to Ask” has become a good reference guide for me and will be used extensively well beyond my show.This is an excellent book for those wanting to improve their powers of persuasion and the overall quality of their communications.

Fun, thought provoking, instructional. I loved it. Read it and sent it to a friend.

I have always respected Trey Gowdy and really enjoyed this book. I learned a lot about communicating effectively. It was helpful to realize how to persuade instead of preach to others. I can highly recommend. Thanks Trey!

For a non-US reader, this is far too political as one could benefit from the taxtics discussed.Dragging on with very personal opinions and polical details... this book should be more for "policital science" studies than on communications.Sorry. The book did not meet my expectations at all.

Although I prefer his interviews presenting the book , where Mr Gowdy exposes this book's tools like a true master , the book allows for diving deep in some concepts .The tools he provides are indispensable for the modern day warrior and businessman ,and they work.My only complain , is the book is too based in storytelling , a cheat sheet of the basic tools and concepts would be so useful, so I am making my own .

Five stars does not express how much I enjoyed this book. It is by far one of the best books I have ever read. Trey Gowdy not only provides incredibly valuable information on how to use questions to influence people, but he does it in an extremely entertaining and easy to absorb manner. His real life stories help drive home the lessons he is teaching and his humor breaks up what many people would consider a boring topic into an entertaining journey. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has the need to influence other people. And if you don't have the need to influence other people and are just looking for an entertaining book, you can't go wrong with this book.

I recommend it.

I haven’t read it yet but glanced at it. It looks fantastic and Trey Gowdy is the best.