Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married

Very good material for anyone considering marriage and even couples that are already married. However, it would be best to study this book prior to being married. Dr. Chapman has been providing quality material for many years. I started utilizing his material as an aid in counseling when it was on VHS. Like I said, he's been around. While this book is not an end all be all, it definitely has some great advice and insight within its pages. It works very well in conjunction with "The 5 love languages" and "The 5 languages of apology", also offered by Dr. Chapman. There are free online quizzes and other info that can also be utilized as mentioned in the book that will enrich everything else he discusses in the book. There are several applicable true to life stories inside that help you understand each point he is attempting to relay and makes for an easy read by keeping interest up. I also ordered the audio version and found it easier to listen to and take notes for self enrichment, as well as notes for guiding others into what I hope will be lasting marriages.

Wonderful, helpful, insightful. Points out many of the key "sore spots" that can sour a marriage if left unmanaged, and how to address them. Very helpful, whether as a premarital counseling book, a book for the happily married couple, or even for the unhappily married couple willing to set their relationship right. Must read!

This book is very useful to prepare people for marriage and I would recommend it for teens (even if they're not in a relationship), engaged couples, and even those already married since this provides realistic information about love and that not everything in a relationship is easy. It also helps people understand and attempt to loosely preset chores around the house and understand what to do with the extra money earned that isn't needed for bills. While I was already aware and have read about the 5 love languages, that is only briefly covered in one chapter while the rest provides other information so if you already read the 5 Love Languages book understand that there is a lot more involved in this book than that concept. The concept that I want to highlight in this book that I haven't read about before was the 5 Different Ways to Apologize. Increasingly, I think people need to be aware that what we consider to be a 'sincere apology' isn't necessarily the same as everyone else's though there are 5 of them that are fairly common. I was surprised when I found what I thought to be a sincere apology was listed word-for-word! This concept alone can be applied to anyone you socialize with and I especially recommend this piece if you are having apology problems between your friend, significant other, coworkers, and/or boss. Teens and those single will be able to learn a lot from this book, especially to realize that people, on average, are no longer "falling in love" within two years of the relationship and I think this would help them understand that relationships take a lot of work even when it's not convenient for you. Giving them an understanding of how to be flexible when apologizing and to know that people feel loved according to different love languages will make them more aware of how to improve their friendships and relationships in the future. Finally, there is reinforcement in being willing to do chores even if they're not popular and generally establishing healthy spending habits. I personally found this book to be thrilling and Gary Chapman successfully backs up some of his findings with Psychological research and definitions. I loved it so much that I read it in one sitting and now I'm getting my teen friends and budding couples into reading it. Awesome book; give it a try if you haven't already! (

Use this book as a checklist of things you should discuss with your partner - especially if you're considering or are in a long-term relationship. It explains each topic, why it's a likely source of conflict, how to prevent the conflicts, and includes questions for discussion between partners. Understanding and discussing these topics may not feel romantic and fun, and some of the conversations may be challenging for couples who aren't accustomed to such discussions. Do it anyway though because it will eliminate future conflicts before the conflicts even begin and make your relationship run smoother, last longer, and be a source of relaxation and contentment for you both. I'm speaking from experience here. If you are new to the study of this topic, this book will be extremely valuable for you. If you've already studied interpersonal relationships, preemptive conflict resolution, and collaborative negotiation tactics, it's still a great checklist of topics to discuss with your partner. I'm on this end of the spectrum, hence 4 of 5 stars because I'm familiar with the author's other work and this book didn't contain much new content. As a compact, all-in-one, relationship discussion guide though, it's great and worth reading and having on hand for future reference for new relationships or for when new conflicts crop up.

Very interesting book!

Interesting book. It's perhaps a little simplistic and obvious, but then again it's often the obvious things that we fail to notice or take for granted. This is a good book to keep around as a "refresher". I'd recommend re-reading it every few months or so. I think the overarching theme that Chapman wishes to stress is that almost all aspects of a marriage should be planned well *before* the marriage ever takes place. How many kids do you want? By when? How often do you plan to visit family? Are you going to raise your children to have the same values that you have, or are you going to let them decide for themselves (hopefully the latter)? What religion are you, and what does it require? Do you donate some of your income each month? Do you prioritize your siblings or your parents over your partner? Do you have a low or high sex drive? Do you think you can adapt if it changes over time? Do you agree on political issues or are you okay with the disagreements? Do you feel loved in the same way? Can you show someone you love them in a way different than you feel loved? And so on... the book covers a lot. I'm starting to get the impression that the vast majority of divorces occur because people misinterpret the evolutionarily useful (yet romantically deceiving) slurry of neurotransmitters in their brain as "true love". Call it what you like -- personal chemistry, honeymoon phase, tingles, butterflies, passion -- yawn. None of that holds a marriage together, and when that feeling disappears (as it always inevitably does; Chapman indicates this typically occurs around the two year mark), each spouse becomes disillusioned and feels like they've married a stranger -- one who disagrees with them on almost everything. In a lot of ways, I relate closely to the author's kind of thinking -- both his thought process and the way he perceives the world. It's interesting to see how he has overcome his personal relationship difficulties, and for me personally, I think knowing how he eventually fixed his issues can help me prevent my own from ever occurring in the first place.

This book is really helpful with identifying topics some don’t discuss until after marriage. I am grateful to have the tools to prepare for a successful marriage in the dating phase. This is also really helpful in truly getting to know your partner.

This is a different type of marriage book. It’s very practical and addresses topics will affect you marriage that you can discuss beforehand. Many of these things get figured out along the way by way of arguments and disagreements or worse, just acquiescing without agreeing. (10 years later this is the reason you’re getting divorced and you haven’t ever talked about it. The other person has no idea & you never trusted them enough to tell them your feelings.). These topics range from who is going to clean the toilet to handling money and marrying into another family. It’s good practical thought and food for discussion. As the first chapter says “Being in love is not is not an adequate foundation for a successful marriage.”

The author makes it more practical for readers understanding. A must read book for beginners in a relationship, yet to say I do and married couples.

This book has truly opened my eyes to the importance of discussing not only with your partner about the next steps of marriage, but talking about the difficult moments one has encountered and sharing personal information with wisdom, with the aim to bring clarity, peace and unity before saying 'I do.' It is also important to understand the family you are marrying into as you aren't just marrying your spouse, but their entire household. I am so glad I got this book and look forward to going over the notes again. It's very important to get this book if you are contemplating on having a Godly married life that will last.

Easygoing, simple and filled with examples, this book with small readable chapters are worth reading before getting married. The money well spent.

It has a simple and easy lecture which the author demonstrated his experience in helping people over the time. He proposed the 5 love languages which help a lot your relationship, not just with husband or boyfriend, but with any other person. I sincerely​ recommended it.

I initially only gave a 1 star to this book, because I unfortunately started with Chapter 3 "The saying that Like mother, Like daughter or Like Father, Like son is not a myth", which basically explains that your partner is a perfect copy of his/her same gender parent. I mean WTF? Yes we may have copied patterns, but no, we may actually just have developed the opposite habits. Now that I have read the rest of the book, I find it pretty good. It is a very light introduction into marital life problems, from not too dramatic issues (see the Chapter "Toilets are not self cleaning") to tricky one (e.g. sex). The book stays purposely superficial, but provides a list of reference books for those who want to deepen specific subjects. Therefore this book is very adapted for lovers or young married. I will recommend it without reservation, and I will offer it to my children and nephews. Actually I will read chapter 3 again: it may not apply to my situation, but may be true in certain circumstances (e.g. violent or drinking parent).