The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Revised and Updated: Surviving Through and Recovering from the Five Stages That Accompany the Loss of Love

I am almost done with the book after 2 weeks! I have found the five steps more enlightening than I thought possible. I see a difference in me already and I'm on step 5. ANYONE who has suffers from Abandonment should buy this book. Also get different colored highlighters, a journal, and post its.SUSAN ANDERSON I AM FOREVER GRATEFUL!

Part of my issue is that my relationships don’t last beyond a month and a half (longest ever was 10 months). I feel my shattering a go back further. When I can apply some to what little long term romantic relationship shattering I have experienced it’s pretty great. I am able to stretch it to pair up with some of my earlier experiences and it does great there too. I will be looking at this authors other works to see if something is a closer match because she gets it. Abandonment language seems to be new and she’s here to help develop it, I can get behind that!

No other book has changed my life the way this one did. After a bad breakup a few years ago, I couldn't figure out WHY I couldn't move on and why it had affected me so much. Not only does this book normalize those feelings (which therapists had shamed me for in the past. "Just move on, etc."), it also includes small bits of scientific explanation of why your body and brain respond the way they do to a loss/abandonment. Also includes excerpts from real people who have gone through abandonment, and it makes you realize your experience isn't singular, it's a universal, human experience. Then she goes even further and gives you multiple things you can do on a daily basis to heal and come out on the other side even stronger. She does all of this using a very simple, easy to understand way of writing. Highly, highly recommend.

Unlike similar books, this one contains many insights and practical exercises. It does not merely repeat one central point again and again.

the first third of this book was painful nectar that helped. i recommend it... BUT>>>>>>>>>>>SKIM OVER THE "Outer/Inner/big/little Child" stuff and google "inner child work" for that. her take on that isn't the best way to go about it. it's not that simple. while speaking to your inner child as a little baby or 4 year old is what is needed... but not villainizing "outer child" or telling you to "try not to feel shame" sentences.... you have to allow yourself to feel the shame of abandonment you feel to heal it, not suppress it. and we definitely have more fractals to our existence and unique person than just "big" and "little" or "inner" and "outer." google "inner child work" and find better explanations and guidance than she writes/gives.YES, the beginning of the book helped me so much, and i plan on utilizing her swan book greatly. i recommend reading the beginning, skim over the "outer/inner/big/little" stuff and give yourself more love and credit that that.....additional personal therapeutic experience info for first part of book:i was able to read and cry and EFT tap and it brought up feelings that i processed as i read, the stories and words brought to surface feelings i recognized as probable birth trauma and separation from my mother's womb and even the "cut" of the umbilical cord came at the right time for me to process what seemed like just that. my feelings swelled up and out, and i am grateful i read the beginning as i was able to feel the feelings i've been resisting for so long to come to surface as i read and tapped and cried and threw in "i love and accept myself even with this emotional pain having to do with abandonment" (EFT and/or brad yates Emotional Pain video on YT is a great tool i have found to include with lots of therapy that i have done).i will update when i have processed more. i hope this helps whoever reads this.... <3

Akeru "means 'to pierce, to open, to end, to make a hole in, to start, to expire, to unwrap, to turn over.' When someone leaves, akeru refers to the empty space that is created, the opening in which a new beginning can take place... to begin and to end are the same-part of one never-ending cycle of renewal and healing."Anderson's book goes through what she calls the Five Stages of Abandonment; these are Shattering, Withdrawal, Internalizing, Rage, and Lifting (SWIRL). In each chapter Anderson gives extensive background on how each stage works, comes from, etc. And at the end of each chapter is an exercise tailored to the stage that is meant to help grow from it. Towards the end of the book is an "Action Plan" that encourages one to get out there!Personally, I find the exercises to be almost of breath of fresh air for me. Although not difficult by any measure, they force one to use the moment as a starting point to heal. To not be stuck or stunted. To heal and grow. Is the process easy, no. Is the process not painful, ha. But there is a way to use one's abandonment as a starting point of becoming a better version of ourselves and to expand our capacity for love.Something to be aware is that each chapter about the stages are chunky so be prepared for a read. Also some reviews mention that this is a book for divorcees; I think this book can apply to anyone who has gone through abandonment. I've never been divorced and yet in some parts of this books it was like reading the exact thought process that has gone through my mind before.Overall, I think a good read.P.S. Another book that has helped me come to terms with my issues is Codependency For Dummies by Darlene Lancer. This book is more for those with extreme low self-esteem.

Dopo aver letto tanti libri sui problemi nelle relazioni, focalizzati prevalentemente sui tratti narcisistici di partner problematici, finalmente ho scoperto questo libro che non si preoccupa minimamente di spiegare le cause dell'abbandono, ma analizza in profondità quali sono i sentimenti, gli stati d'animo e le sensazioni di coloro che vengono abbandonati. Il lettore rivive con maggiore consapevolezza tutte le fasi del lutto che segue ogni abbandono e riesce a capire con maggiore lucidità i sentimenti che lui stesso ha provato nelle diverse fasi che seguono il distacco. L'empatia con cui viene descritta ognuna delle cinque fasi dell'elaborazione del lutto porta il lettore ad una più profonda accettazione dei propri sentimenti e la partecipazione autentica dell'autrice dona quasi un senso di sollievo al lettore che si sente compreso e non vede condannati alcuni suoi sentimenti negativi dal quale suo malgrado non riesce a liberarsi.Per ogni fase del lutto viene proposta un'attività che, oltre a facilitare la guarigione, dovrebbe regalare speranza ed entusiasmo per intraprendere il cammino di evoluzione spirituale ed emotiva che dovrebbe portare il lettore ad una più alta consapevolezza di sé e quindi ad un livello maggiore di realizzazione del proprio sé più autentico. Questa evoluzione sarebbe un risvolto positivo dell'abbandono che, se correttamente elaborato, potrebbe venir considerato come un'opportunità di crescita personale.Ciò che mi ha colpito particolarmente è la sensibilità con cui l'autrice sottolinea il modo profondamente diverso con cui il contesto sociale tratta coloro che perdono un congiunto per un lutto e coloro che invece vengono abbandonati, magari dopo molti anni di matrimonio o convivenza. Per questi ultimi non esiste un momento di riconoscimento pubblico del loro dolore, quale può essere il momento del funerale per un vedovo/a, e spesso il contesto sociale si ritrae da situazioni di dissidio familiare, mentre nel caso della vedovanza l'appoggio morale e materiale è inscritto nei codici morali delle società da millenni, tanto è vero che la condizione di vedovo/a nella storia è sempre stata soggetta a particolari norme di comportamento e veniva resa ben visibile a tutti da un particolare tipo di abbigliamento.Non so quanto conforto possa dare un libro nei primi tempi successivi all'abbandono, quando il dolore e lo sconcerto sono ancora troppo forti, ma per chi è determinato a superare lo sconvolgimento che l'abbandono ha portato nella sua vita emotiva e magari dopo anni non c'è ancora riuscito questo libro può essere un aiuto.

I've struggled with abandonment issues my whole life and I although I read this book years ago and resonated with it, I didn't understand the importance of integrating the exercises to actually cause change. Now that I am older and have learned more life lessons, I re-purchased this expanded version and have seen some serious change/growth/healing.It really made me understand what has been going on (ex. SWIRL, abandonment grief) and the exercises have given me SUCH relief, honestly. If you "overreact" and carry a fear of abandonment around, this book is for you but do yourself a favor and promise to actually DO the exercises.I found the workbook extremely helpful as well to integrate the knowledge into real life change.Light & love to you all x

During one of the worst times of my life this book really helped me through. Describing how I was feeling and the reasons why. It gave me tools to deal with the overwhelming feelings of shattering when I felt like I was close to breaking apart, it has given me tools to help me heal and tools to look to the future with a positive outlook. The title breaks my heart almost every time I read it. But it is the perfect title. I bought this book 6 months ago. And I can honestly say I'm in a better place. This book really helped. As did incredible friends and family of course. But this book was the practical advice I needed to help with my inner demons.If you are going through a break up or have been through one, if you have ever felt abandoned in your life, this book is for you.

Amazing, insightful and feels like months worth of intense therapy in one read! I actually cried a couple of times reading this as it really does dig deep and and the exercises are amazing, I think you need to make sure you keep doing them and keep revisiting the book to make this effective which i am doing! Honestly the most effective and helpful book I think I’ve read! I feel like I fully understand myself and my bad relationship patterns that keep repeating over and over! I wish I found this years ago after my first heartbreak it would have saved me so much further hurt and wasted time!!!

Great book if you're working on yourself. Very helpful!