The Primal Wound

This is the best resource I have found as an adopted female. There were so many feelings addressed in this book I have felt as an adoptee and just didn't know how to express them until now. It explained a lot of my early childhood behaviors as well. The depth of understanding that this author offers made me feel less alone and like I'm not insane for feeling the way I do. I only wish I had found this resource sooner. A MUST READ for any adoptive parent, adoptee or therapist!!

Anybody that is on any side of the adoption ring, should read this very informative book!! WoW so many answers! to so many behaviors.

Thank you for writing this book. Hopefully it will lead to some more scientific research on the topic. Coming from an adoptee who is pro-abortion and strongly anti-adoption except in absolutely necessary cases, I found this book validating. Disturbing that it took this many generations to come to awareness of something that seems like it should be common sense to any human with a mother: taking babies away from their mothers creates trauma. Make birth control widely accessible to everyone. Make abortion accessible until fetal viability. Support young women who need help keeping their babies. Adoption should be a last resort and understood as the traumatic experience it is. Read this book and support the adoptee in recovering from the grief and loss. Quality paperback. Quick delivery. My apologies to any Amazon workers driven to exhaustion by my prime order. Hoping for improved work environment for all workers. Down with oligarch greed.

This book offers a thoughtful and compassionate exploration of the emotional layers surrounding adoption. Nancy Verrier presents ideas that invite reflection on attachment, identity, and early separation in a way that encourages empathy and deeper understanding. The writing is accessible and intentionally reflective, allowing readers to consider experiences that are often difficult to put into words. What stood out to me most was how the book opens space for conversation — not blame — and emphasizes awareness, curiosity, and compassion for everyone involved in the adoption constellation. I would recommend this book to adoptees, adoptive parents, birth parents, and professionals seeking greater insight into identity, belonging, and emotional development. It is a meaningful and perspective-shifting read.

Knowing this was written by an adoptive mother made me not purchase this book for a few years since I first heard of it. Having finally purchased and read most of the book, the author MOSTLY “gets it”. What she gets, she does so on a very deep level. Some parts I felt like the authors own bias and inhaled “stuff” seeped into a space it didn’t belong. Overall, highly recommend for anyone in the triad, with a disclaimer to adoptees that it’s ok to skip the parts that feel too “rainbows and unicorns” about the concept of adoption. I do wish there had been something on reunions that are complicated. Death of parents happened before adoptees searched, relationships with biological siblings after reunion etc

I heard about this book from other adult adoptees and finally picked it up after starting deeper adoption-related healing. It’s honest, validating, and deeply emotional. The author’s tone is thoughtful and grounded in both research and lived experience. It’s brought up themes I now explore in therapy—and even my therapist is reading it with me. Highly recommend for adoptees ready to dig deeper and for clinicians working with us.

If you are an adoptee I highly recommend reading The Primal Wound. It really helps explain a lot of feelings. Also good for birth parents and adopted parents.

I am a licensed clinical therapist, as well as an adoptee. I originally ordered this book for myself, but have since ordered several copies many of my patients who are also adoptees and struggling with a variety of issues, including attachment, depression, anxiety and chronic feelings of emptiness. This book has been an eye opener and a lifesaver for many individuals. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is adopted or who has someone in their life who is adopted. It will help better understand many behaviors that don't add up otherwise.

If you are not afraid of facing the truth this book is for you. If you are adopted, this book is a MUST read. I wish I had come across it earlier it would have saved me years of thinking there's something wrong with me! For Social Workers that work in Adoption this book is a MUST read ... adoption is not a 'silver bullet', but it's doing the best under a child's difficult circumstances. Hopefully it will help Social Workers try very hard to match children with adoptive parents that reflect the child's personality and nature more closely, if possible. This book is a MUST read for Adoptive Parents .... know what your child is feeling inside and don't be hard on yourselves. Let your child be who they are without judging. This book is a MUST read for Birth Mothers .... it acknowledges their suffering and loss and how life will never be the same for them too, Then a light at the end of the tunnel for all in the closing chapters and in her next book. Really a very important book to have.

I had heard about this book a few years ago and finally knew it was time to read it. It is high time that adoptees have the right to express ourselves. As a child and even as a university student, other adults believed that they had the right to white-wash my adoption experience as if it had never happened. All they had to do was be quiet and listen. They did not need to say anything, only listen. Instead, they had to offer their fairy tale nonsense that my adoptive parents must have been wonderful people and I should be grateful that I turned out so well. Little do they ever know or bother to even notice the deep emptiness and hurt dwelling inside. And so it is high time that a book has been written that makes clear that yes, adoption is trauma and there are adoptees that are still hurting in adulthood. And, there are many experiences that are common and universal, that for some reason we were left out of and can never get back. Now that we know that separation from the birth mother causes trauma to a child, a further area of exploration would have to investigate the effects of a child in the womb of a mother who knows she cannot keep her child and must hide it. I am thinking of those of us who are from the era of forced adoptions (Baby Scoop). 9 months absorbing that fear also has its effects. This book should be mandatory for everyone and anyone involved in adoption.

Really nice straightforward book to learn about spychology affecting adoptees and everyone of importance involved in their lives, primarily parents and mothers.

I've wanted for years to stop being in a fog of grief. Finally, there's a ray of sunshine, showing me how to heal and that it is even possible. What an amazing person the author is. She approaches the subject of understanding the adoptee and the other members of the triad so beautifully, with such empathy and kindness and clarity, that is quite astonishing to me. If I was ever able to choose my birth mum or my adopted mum, I would want them to be like her. By understanding from the little baby's (me) point of view and validating that serious trauma that occurred, I can now start to examine how I coped with the abandonment and examine the beliefs I may have formed. By facing up to the damage done and my fears, I can finally stop feeling like a victim and trying to find someone to blame for my unhappy adoption experience. There is no one to blame, I now realize, unless I want to blame society as a whole for the failed adoption dream and experiment. I can stop whining, saying things like "why can't I just get over it" and "why isn't the sadness going away with time" and "how can I stop dwelling on it, how can I come to terms with it" and thinking for years that if I just ignored my grief, it would eventually fade away. I can see now that I have been grieving over something that I can never have again or ever get back, and knowing this has given me a new feeling of peacefulness. This book is such a revelation to me, and I am full of excitement at the possibility of consciously and slowly attempting to heal myself, finding my Self and becoming whole. I can't wait to read the next book and start the long, difficult road to the healing and towards freedom from feeling sorry for myself.

I have only read up to Page 25 yet, and I felt led to write this review. Nancy, thank you for writing this incredible book. Rightly said, it is a must have for every adoptive family. Nancy has done a phenomenal job at making known the truth about the life of adoptees. Easy to read and very very engaging. I wish I could hand out a copy to EVERY adoptive family I know. This seriously is a must-have. It will save lives! From an adoptive mommy herself.